Krystal's One True Destiny
by Happy Dickfart
Summary: Or, the one where killer mobs of furries are invited to the Cornerian government to take part in a special sporting event involving Krystal in tight pants. If you've got it, flaunt it, baby! Also, Fox done messed up, son. He blew it big time. And then it blew him.


Krystal's One True Destiny, by Dickfart

One day Peppy and Slippy was just chillin' in the crib, kicking back and listening to some sick tunes while they diddled with their gadgets and other such shit. Speaking of shit, Peppy hadn't done so in over three weeks. His diet was poor in fiber because he refused to eat grass and carrots. Stereotypes are bad mmm'kay.

"I'm gonna try to use the Jon again," said Peppy, picking up his cane and a newspaper. Jon Arbuckle was recently hired to be Star Fox's toilet in a desperate attempt to fund Garfield's insatiable appetite while still having enough money to get laid. So far, he liked it. The job proved uneventful, unless one of Peppy's prune smoothies actually worked, but you have to take the good with the bad, right?

Slippy was just tinkering his tool away, slowly but surely, until Krystal suddenly burst into the room, bawling her eyes out, screeching like a disgraced monkey.

"Whoa, Krystal. What's wrong? Did Fox break your heart again?"

"I CAUGHT HIM BUTTFUCKING THE PHEASANT!"

"What peasant?" said Slippy. "Oh, you said _pheasant_. Must have been Falco!"

"MY SOUL MATE EATS COCK! WAH!" she belted, blowing her nose on a hanky and sobbing, mascara running down her face.

"Come to think of it," said Slippy contemplatively. "Falco is kind of a peasant. He was poor and starving before Fox slurped his dick and hired him."

"You... knew about this?" said Krystal, wiping a tear away. She was such a pretty crier.

"You didn't? Sheesh, lady. Fox is a male, unneutered canidae of the chordata phylum and his species is known for hunting pheasants. Only in Fox's case he hunted Falco to mate with him rather than eat him. What did you think would happen?"

"Then WHY did he and I fall in love?"

"Because you're a fox chick. Everyone's attracted to fox chicks. As Tim Allen once said: Furries. Furries everywhere.

"Fox really took you for granted, though. Nigga done fucked up."

"I have been used for my body," said Krystal, then she growled, got pissed off, and ripped the seat off the sofa with her vicious, snarling muzzle. Slippy shrieked and ran away, calling for help while nobody listened. "I'll show them. I'll show them all!"

One Year Later

Fox was licking his nutsack clean one afternoon when the phone rang. He asnwered it.

"Hello?" he said.

"Turn on the TV," said an autotuned voice of ambiguous gender. Spooked, he grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

"Krystal is the vixen on everybody's watchlist here at FurryCon in Corneria. We bus in all the pent up flesh beasts from the galaxy of Milky Ways to take part in our live events, which are certified entertainment and not prostitution, as some jealous haters would allege. Andross believes that FurryCon is amoral, and thus its popularity in the polls spiked over 9000 percent! If that wasn't enough, Lylat Sensation Bluejugs Flufftail, otherwise known as Krystal, stunned the audience with her flawless beauty and impeccable taste in tight flight suits. This just in, Krystal has just e-mailed our station a picture of her butthole releasing pheromones, or so we assume. The tweets are flying in, and over 80 billion furries have pledged already. She is well on her way to being the richest person in the universe. Todd the Furry is live at the FurryCam studio station, in a live interview with the rising star herself. Todd?

"Well Billy, Krystal is here with me tonight adorning a stunning blue one piece space suit. Give us a whirl, baby."

"Gladly," said Krystal, her ass plenty defined beneath her tail. Fox's jaw dropped.

"I don't know if there's a single sweatless brow in this audience, Billy. Ooo-wee, she's a mighty fine FOXY lady."

"Aww, thank you," said Krystal with a wink. Fox growled and snarled, spittle flying across the room.

"Tell me, ma'am. What is the secret to your success?"

"If you love somebody, set them free. So I'd like to thank the man who is in love with me, Fox McCloud, for greasing and stuffing a fresh cooked pheasant while telling me to fuck off. I have BILLIONS of men who love me, and they'd all DIE for me! YIFF ARMY, ATTAAAAAAAAACK!"

At once, a brainwashed zombie horde of Milky Way furries piled into Fox's house, growling, slurping, and hungry for his flesh and fuzz. Fox ran for his life, screaming like a bitch as he did so.

The End


End file.
